The End [ Tuesday Nov| 13| 2007 @ 08:45pm ] LiveJournal, we're breaking up. I don't think we should see each other any more. Even as "just friends." Goodbye. If you have anything interesting you want to say to me, you can always contact me by smoke signals. Or by E-mailing lepercolonyparty@hotmail.com That may or may not be my E-mail address. Good luck with the rest of your life, Alyx 3 singing in the rain Let Loose

[ Monday Oct| 22| 2007 @ 07:52pm ] I've never smoked anything in my life but whenever I see someone with a cigarette, somebody smoking in a picture, or even on television, I get this ridiculously strong urge for sunflower seeds. It's not even funny how strong this craving gets because I will not be able to function properly for the next hour or two (or at least until I get my hands on some seeds). Anyway, I was browsing Dev. Art and every sixth picture involves smoking of some kind and now I am going nuts. ALSO, I keep a pair of roller blades in the backseat of my car for no other reason than the off-chance that I'll get into a terrible car wreck in which there will be a GARGANTUAN explosion and I need to make a quick get away by strapping on some wheels. Like in some sort of cheesy off-the-wall action flick. However, my parents borrowed my car and decided that it would be appropriate to clean it out. Although this could be seen as a nice gesture, my roller blades are now just lying in my room where absolutely no use could come out of them. That's actually all I have to say right now. Well, I have more to say but I don't feel like typing any more. I just want some gosh-durned (and bwhen I say"gosh-durned" I really mean "goddamned") sunflower seeds. I would never say "goddamned" so often if I never read Catcher in the Rye years ago. Books have made me a degenerate. Tell me about yourself. singing in the rain Let Loose

[ Monday Oct| 08| 2007 @ 05:23pm ] Went to Reno to check out the University of Nevada. Let's talk about the armpit of the world--that would be Reno, NV. And I was in the city while SOCIAL-fucking-DISTORTION was too. But, alas, the concert was sold out. And I cried long and hard. Then my crazy Irish Uncle Monte made me a high-ball to cheer me up. Then my cousin Brad made me some sort of giant tequila fixin' to wash down the whiskey. And then my aunt gave me a glass of wine. Then we played dice games and I won like four bucks (we were only playing with quarters). Alcohol...gambling...goddamn I love my family. QUESTION OF THE DAY: Wanna move in together? You choose the location, I'll choose the rugs. 1 singing in the rain Let Loose

[ Sunday Sep| 30| 2007 @ 03:34pm ] "His was a great sin who first invented consciousness. Let us lose it for a few hours." -F. Scott Fitzgerald Oh Fitzgerald. I have the biggest crush on you. This probably wouldn't be such a big problem if your first name wasn't Francis. And you were not currently dead. Last night I wore the least flattering dress on earth. But it was 70s-ish and vibrant so thus Ioved it. Oh the 70s: what a lost generation. The women all looked dirty and masculine and the men all looked like molester monsters. At least you made some damned fine music to make up for it. In other news, the idea of me being single for the entirety of my life is no longer as much of a joke as it is a prophetic fact. Oh god. 4 singing in the rain Let Loose

DANNY MASTERSON too? Noooo! [ Tuesday Sep| 25| 2007 @ 07:55pm ] I've always been a fan of this humor site called Cracked.com. If you've never read any articles there it's probably because you wouldn't think they are as funny as I do or because you're too busy being "too good for THAT kind of humor". Anyway, this article about the 10 Celebrity Scientoligists that you never knew were Scientologists made me el-oh-el pretty hard. Because if there's one thing funnier than a Cracked article, it's a Scientologist. Anyway, here's something the writer said about Charles Manson: Best Known For: viciously murdering people, ordering people to viciously murder other people; carving swastikas into his forehead Why You Wouldn't Expect Him To Be a Scientologist: One of the biggest lunatics in American history is actually precisely who we'd expect to be down on the ground with psychotic theories about aliens and immortal spirits. But here’s the kicker: Manson took over 150 hours of Scientology courses, rejected it as too crazy, and then went on to murder a whole bunch of people. Just thought I'd share. singing in the rain Let Loose

[ Sunday Sep| 23| 2007 @ 12:27pm ] AH! So I've got the basic poster design I want for this mad scholarship contest. The whole theme is "Life ie better with art in it." Anyway, CLICK HERE TO SEE WHAT I HAVE SO FAR  (warning, may be huge). That is NOT the final version. I'm probably going to go through it again and redraw everything as vector so that it doesn't look fuzzy and shitty, fix the shadows, and then tweak other things. Point being, this is the first BASIC draft. So you should tell me if there's anything about it that you hate so I can change it later. Seriously, tell me what you think won't work. It's not like you're going to hurt my feelings or anything. I can't judge my own work. So if you give me feedback, I'll buy you a package of Starbursts. 4 singing in the rain Let Loose

I think she puked up reality [ Friday Sep| 21| 2007 @ 11:49am ] I was sitting in government when all of a sudden, I felt like my body was about 200 degrees hotter than normal. I told my teacher I was going to go get a drink and then I booked out of the room. I got small drink of water, but suddenly felt even worse, so I thought maybe I'd pace around. Well, pacing led me to the girl's bathroom and I thought to myself, "You look like shit right now, Alex. Why don't you gather yourself up inside the privacy of a stall? In my twelve years of school experience, I have never thrown up while in the building. It's always been a small fear of mine. Not that I would be embarrassed or anything, but when you throw up in a classroom, that's what you're going to be remembered by for the rest of your life. [thirty years from now] "Oh, hey, do you remember Alex Gedrose?" "Um. Not really. Sounds kind of familiar though." "She was really short, you know. Had blue hair." "No. No bells ringing." "She threw up all over the floor in government class." "OH! Alex!" But the human body is such an incredible thing. Really. Because I didn't just throw up all over the floor in government class. I was able to keep those little guys down in my belly for the time it took me to realize I was feeling sick, exit the room, walk to the drinking fountain, pace in the hall, and walk to the bathroom. But as soon as the door was locked and that toilet was in site, all defenses locked up and out came everything from my tummy (thank god I didn't eat anything for breakfast). Just like that. And the whole time I'm spread out on the floor and burrowing my face inside a toilet bowl, the only thought that could go threw my head was: "Oh crap. I hope nobody walking by thinks I'm anorexic." 1 singing in the rain Let Loose

[ Sunday Sep| 16| 2007 @ 06:50pm ] I haven't even graduated form high school yet and I'm already sick of college. I'm sick of having to make a decision on what the hell I'm going to do with my life. ((visual design...I know, majoring in art, oh god...doing communication art and probably getting into game design = NERD)). I'm sick of looking at places to go. ((Seattle? Portland? Bellingham? Vancouver? Pullman? Thailand? Moscow your mom? NICE)). I'm sick of figuring out how I'm going to pay for all of this. ((HOLY MOTHER OF GOD, HOW AM I GOING TO PAY FOR ALL OF THIS?!)) I'm sick of procrastinating on making a portfolio. ((not procrastinating...meditating)). In other news, I tried out for some Shakespeare play I've never heard of before. I thought this might be a good idea for the following reasons: I have not done any drama stuff in years. Last time I was in a Shakespeare play I got to play a man and it was awesome. There is nothing more exciting than cross dressing every evening for two weeks. I even had a 6:00 o'clock shadow make-upped onto my face. It'll give me an excuse not to go back to work. I made it into the play. But this is when I realized that this was a terrible, terrible idea for the following reasons:    I despise Mrs. Hunter. I've never done a play with her. And I despise her. I don't fit in with anybody else in the drama department. I despise Mrs. Hunter. She is stupid and got this ridiculously abridged version of The Twelfth Night. It's like Shakespeare for halfwits. Part of this abridged script includes two Announcers who narrate what's going on because this abridged version is stupid. I'm one of the Announcers. I want to put my head underneath a boulder. Oh well. Nobody goes to these things anyway. singing in the rain Let Loose

How Not to Be Funny [ Tuesday Sep| 11| 2007 @ 07:00pm ] If there is one thing I can't stand more than "random humor", it's... OH wait. There ISN'T anything I can't stand more than "random humor". Random humor is this sort of philosophy that the key to being funny is simple: do something that nobody would expect. This sort of epitaph works in an embarrassingly obnoxious manner. EXHIBIT A: Let's take, for example, this purely hypothetical (although very practical) conversation with a "random humorist". Person A: Hello there. Random Humorist: THE DEMON MONKEYS ARE ABOUT TO ATTACK! PA: Um. Okay. So how was your weekend? RH: DOOBEE DOOBEE DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO! PA: I sort of regret having this conversation with you because you are incredibly unfunny, and I am not at all impressed with your Neanderthalic social skills. RH: [is too busy rolling on the asphalt while screaming lyrics to Under the Sea to listen] I am going to let you in on a little secret: random humor is slightly less funny than cancer. If you are a random humorist, you are usually too busy spazzing off to notice that everybody around you is rolling their eyes so forcefully that little white eyeball jelly is spilling down their cheeks. They hate the fact that you aren't creative enough to come up with something decently witty, satirical, or at least sexist. They hate the fact that you have just wasted three minutes of their time that could have been spent laughing at a genuine joke or somebody making an ass of themselves that isn't INTENTIONALLY trying to make an ass of themselves. So now the question becomes: So if everybody hates these random humorists, WHY IN GOD'S NAME ARE THEY EVERYWHERE? The answer is simple and a little sick. There are still some people who actually encourage these disgusting vermin by laughing at their (completely unfunny) antics. EXHIBIT B: In this exhibit we have the same random humorist. But if you would like to imagine that it's a different random humorist, that's okay too. They come in about as much variety a one-size-fits-all hat--and those come in one size (and it's usually not effective unless your head is the size and shape of a pitbull).The major difference here is we are introducing Person B. Person B, unlike Person A, probably watched the stock report on the news that morning and laughed about it. B feels he has a moral obligation to laugh at everything in case something that is actually funny occurs and he is the only one not laughing because he's too much a nitwitted muffin-head to know what is going on. They also have a bad habit of repeating everything somebody had already said moments before. Person B: Hello there. Random Humorist: OH MY GOD I THINK MY SPLEED JUST STARTED SINGING A CLASSIC OPERA TUNE! PB: HAHAHAHA. You're SPLEEN started SINGING a classic OPERA tune? HAHAHA RH: pffffft pfffffft zooop zooop ze zooop! PB: Oh my god! PFFFFFFFT PFFFFFFT ZOOP ZOOP! You're so random and hilarious! You're also very lucky that I have the mental capacity of a brick and would never be able to differentiate something funny from something not funny without a little help! RH: [too busy lighting their belly button lint on fire to listen] And, of course, when random humorists can't find a yellow-frosted fruitcake like Person B to feed off of, they always flock toward other random humorists so they can have a giant unfunny orgy that consists of screaming really loudly about nothing in particular and occasionally making irrelevant hand gestures. EXHIBIT C Random Humorist: HITLER'S BABIES ARE WALKING AMONG US! RUN! RUN! Other Random Humorist: LET'S MAKE BRIDGES OUT OF PUDDING CUPS AND DANCE ON TOP OF THEM WHILE NOT EATING PUDDING CUPS! RH: WOOOOWEEE WOOOOOWEEE WOK WOK WOK WOK WOK DING! ORH: DOODOODOO DEEDEEDEEDEE RH: [too busy lighting other random humorist on fire to listen] 4 singing in the rain Let Loose

[ Monday Sep| 10| 2007 @ 04:05pm ] Oh, LJ. You're a stupid thing to have. Really. It is. Maybe you were something new and exciting back when I was twelve, but now I don't know what to do with you. I can't write in you any more without feeling dirty. But here I go again! We have this bi-weekly newspaper/magazine thing and in it they've got an entire page devoted to I Saw Yous. You know, those small little blurbs that people pay for: I SAW YOU AT SAFEWAY ON 6/7. YOU WERE IN LINE AHEAD OF ME. YOU: BLONDE HAIR, BABY-SOFT EYES. ME: REDHEAD WITH NO LEFT LEG. I WANTED TO SAY HELLO BUT WAS TOO SHY! CALL ME AND MAYBE I CAN GET OVER MY ANXIETY. You've seen those before. I know you have. Anyway, I stumbled across this one: Baseball Hatted Neanderthal at the picnic table by the parking lot at Independence Point in CdA on 8-1-07. We spoke briefly about taxi cabs home after disembarking from the Mish-N-Ock about 10:15pm. I wished you "Good luck with that" and stepped into the park to enjoy lake scenery. You came charging up demanding, "What did you mean by that?" I did not see your punch coming nor had the time to reply. I do remember walking up on the concrete with a bleeding head & arm, not being able to move right away. The concussion you gave me took three weeks of my life, cost me $2000 in medical bills and lost wages, but thanks for not robbing me as I lay unconscious. I trust you didn't hurt your fist too much. All you really proved that evening is you are a misconstruing barbaric homunculus whose feckless fecal brain matter is oozing out of your cowardly clueless clunis. The police have your description, now they need your name. May God have mercy on your pathetic soul. Best. Thing. Ever. And what's even better, is it must have cost a fortune to take up that much space. 2 singing in the rain Let Loose

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